Footsteps

I thought I left some footsteps to be noticed by you last night.

No, I'm really sure I had. Well, it looks like you saw it. Bummer, you scrubbed it off as if I never came. The views are just clean, you did a pretty good job at putting things back. As if it never happened. Even a little tiny hints of it, they were all gone.

Twice it happened. Maybe if it's for the third, if it's just the same again, then I'm done. But I think maybe two is already a good indication. A confirmation.

It is such a distasteful that you're coincidentally being luckless right after I decided to come visibly appear. I thought of giving myself a savour of satisfaction after your latest unfortunate event hit, because I was feeling extremely challenged by your pride. It did torture me a lot, you have to know. But no, it'll even puts me under the depth of shame if I'm being delightful for someone's misery.

I doubt if I will ever come again. At least you know I was there.

The consideration

I don't really like talking about people who reserved a place in the bucket of the least favourite people in my life. The much I could do is leaving them alone, I heard that's what's best because it does both parties a favour.

There's always this feeling that always slaps me whenever I have to hear about them. Sometimes I would just clench my teeth and pretend to hear nothing. But most of the times, I fail to terminate my head from playing the imagined-stuff. It's going to be very, very sick.

I'm not a fan of disliking people, it's ridiculous. Well it's even more ridiculous that I feel annoyed whilst they just want to live comfortably. Here's the part about satisfying yourself if you're careless—you may offend people. If I could, I would just live my life without consider about others. But that's not how to live.

I have liked you since

Remember when you had me knocking at your door but you pretended to hear nothing? I kept leaving and coming for you. It was funny that you didn't know I could look you from the tiny part of the glass wall that failed to be covered fully by the solid-coloured wrappers. For your information, I saw you, and you just sit there dumbly.

I always had a hard time every time I tried to think what mood you would be in on the days I had to see you. I would feel scared for the rest of the time with you when you're not in the good one, because you would drag everyone to be knocked off by your anger.

Once, there was a girl begging for whatever it had to do with you. You pitched your voice high and convinced her that you could do nothing about it. The girl must be very hurt as she said she wanted no one but you. But, you pushed her out. Yet, you still had me at your explanations.

You set up everything as if other's voice doesn't matter. You seemed doesn't care about the hows, as long as the goal you've been aiming could be achieved. I thought it was very selfish of you to ignore the reasoning behind their doubts on the hows. Yet, you fixed the durations for the validity, so that they had to do it for whatever it takes. I hated you since.

It was an exciting day. I had let myself enjoying the pleasant vibes of the beach with you and the others. But first, you had to nag. Until then you were okay to release me and the others out of the unshaded spot, it was very hot. Much minutes later, someone was excitingly calling you for when he thought he saw something that you ever explained us on. You seemed furious. You seemed very pissed with what I could infer as worry. I thought I saw another part of you, I hated you less since.

It was the day. I didn't know if I could ever see you again. I wished I could do the best for the very last time with you. You seemed very pleased for the rest of the time of that day. You said nothing but words of an indication of approval. It was very nice of you. 

Remember when you said you really appreciate the efforts?—

—I have liked you since.

A good one

"Make a good one."

"Sure."

♣

"I thought you heard me."

"I heard you."

♣

"This is the worst."

"You said make a good one."

"You did think this is a good one?"

"A good one doesn't always mean euphoric."

Beautiful tainted words

I woke up with a mind buzzing with the struggles to find the right says about the significance of the title of this blog. It's not something that come right away, much more likely if I have to choose between cheezy wedges and cheese balls, both are my favourites! I have came up with many brainstormed ideas yesterday that I don't remember much about it, maybe it has to do with the fact that I haven't had a cup of hot chocolate yet.

I love wordy words, especially if they're played, put, arranged just perfectly fit in every sentences. I was for many times amazed by just reading. It doesn't matter if it's a short one or the other way round. If it's good, it's good and be forever questions by my not-so-intelligent head on how God has made someone who could write as beautiful as a pretty contented soul but the person is not me.

Other people don't get it, but as far as I know words could heal and hurt at times. I am the worst at describing and explaining. I have it all in mind, but it comes out just not right, I'm afraid. Sometimes I exaggerate and most of the times I simplify, and that's how I came out with "tainted". Along the way to make sure I have the words out of me, the real of the story ejected unrealistically as the words have been frantically polluted, let alone the fact that I'm trying to polish my writing skills.

I believe beauty is subjective, it depends on the personal favour and I respect it. What I have in mind is that--words are beautiful. As I mentioned earlier, it can heal and it can hurt, according to time. Should I propose the background and behind of this blog title, it would be this.

Bear in mind that I'm no a good writer nor that I wouldn't want to be one, give times. I hope you have a good time reading my beautifully tainted words. 

I did it again

It's just like a dream back then when I told myself--try to stay. I pasted my words on a site that I signed up to. Changing places has become my habit. Maybe I go down for it when I can't feel the comfort anymore. I don't really get it myself. I tried to think about why I'm being like this. Maybe it's a progress. I notice that whenever I want to improve, I will leave everything behind, and start with something freshly new. Although it seems what I'm doing is just the same.

Hope sometimes is good to help me driving across, and at the same time is worrying. As hope is just a hope, until I do something about it. Yet, even if I do something about it, it's not going to shape as how I hoped it to be. It turned out to be the best for me, at least I try to think of it as it. Perhaps, last year today, I struggled to turn down the urge of what I'm feeling now. I didn't even stress the exact point of what I should do, that I had put the word "try".

Well, habit is a habit. I did it again.