There was this unfamiliar feeling that I failed to take fully conscious of its mere existence until I was struck by some intense and detailed reality beats by the differed approximation in my response towards motivational urgency from now and then.
Long time ago, I was an ambitious determination sucker. Working out on solving and repairing that flaw was enjoyable that it had become a habit. I was like a gasoline that only needed a tiny little spark in order to burn big and spread out. And even that, I was the kind of fire that uneasy to be tackled by the strong wind or massive downpour.
To be good at everything is satisfyingly pleasing. Chasing and hopping around with that extra point in hands undoubtedly grants the permit to feel secured, higher-up and allow us to feel like we belong everywhere.
Perhaps, undergoing different phase of life, did, trigger the unconsciousness of the state of the mind indirectly towards perceptions. Accepting and letting matters to be accepted as the way they are recognized are ecstatically commendable because open-minded peoples are time-worthy and amazingly fun to be around with.
The thing about being open is that; most of the time, a subject reaches an unsatisfactory halt due to the confusion on deciding the acceptable end to it. All party seems to be right but also wrong. Some other time, the subject not even outstretch to its final close.
I was somehow afflicted by how unaffected I am now toward being open to positive stimulation that usually never failed to devour me which subsequently intoxicate me to be trapped in that particular phase. I was overwhelmed and jumbled by the changes in me. I mean, it was one of the qualities I have that gratify me.
Looking back at it and after some long deep thoughts, I think I can put the concerns aside as I’m aware of my partial committed to the then habit of accepting everything openly and be affected by it. It’s how selective I can be, as of now, when it’s about motivations.
Of course, it was overwhelming. But at least I know; I actually grow.