Nobody said it was easy

You know the feeling when the end doesn't feel like the end? Because you are too exhausted that you can hardly feel the exact moment that you live in at a time. The effect is still on. I remember it has been a long time since the last time I felt very empowered and highly enthusiastic over the feeling after answering the last paper of exams. And it's not anymore, as of my degree life.

Nobody said it was easy. 

Nothing is easy. 

I rarely say stuff or two about my study, if you realized. But this time, I'm on it. It's not that I want to rant over the fact that I'm having a very hard time to cope up with my study. No. But to state it clearly and honestly; it's not easy. And I'm not comparing my study with others'. 

Talking about comparing the scale of hardness of the things being studied. I would have a hard time to composed myself  with calming and positive thoughts to repress myself from voicing out my reply (which contains hurting elements) to some people's statement that I highly despise. It is something that I have to tell other people about how it triggers my inner other side, that I don't have the guts to show and praise it on the person who makes me feel like punching everyone in the room. 

I don't want to lose people in my circle. Because it's not easy to let them in. I have to protect and preserve the bonds. Losing is not okay.

Maybe it's not them, it's me.

Maybe the way I poured out my feeling has made them feel like I should have known about theirs and I should stop complaining.

Maybe I thought it was okay to express my feeling as I believe it could relieves me.

I remember all the biggest moments relating to this incident—peoples comparing my study to theirs; saying how harder theirs than ours; explaining how my study is way easier. And when one doesn't meet their expectation, they judge and state it out why one shouldn't—"it's easy".

In case you missed it; it hurts to hear all those proud comparison. Now I know how it likes being cruelly stabbed right in the heart, virtually. I'm fragile, even only all those statements could easily cracked me up. Little did I know it would stressed me out even up until the present. Man, it's not easy to remind yourself that you're not stupid.

No one has it easy.

That I hope people wouldn't make it any harder for others.